Posted in Running, Thoughts

To Run or Not to Run…

If you follow me on social media, you’ll notice that my training posts have scaled down dramatically. A part of the decrease in mileage is due to the post-marathon blues and yes, a huge chunk of it is due to my recent break up. Bleh.

I originally took up running almost 4 years ago as a way to cope with a break up. I was diagnosed with depression and it took me months to get the control I needed in my life. What started off as a horrible 3 miler led to what I’ve accomplished today – 2 full marathons and 18 half marathons. That being said, I find it incredibly stupid that I can’t bring myself to run and regain that control. I think I’ve only run 5 miles this entire week.

Taking one step at a time
I have one more scheduled race for 2017 and it’s this upcoming Sunday for the Rock N’ Roll Las Vegas half marathon. I’ve been debating all week long about whether I should run it or not. My flight’s already been booked and my accommodations have already been set, but the motivation isn’t there. This race has been on my bucket list for a few years and I was looking forward to running the strip at night. However, it’s difficult to be surrounded by happy and energetic people when you’re struggling with your own self worth.

As I’m writing this, I am still scheduled to run the race, but I’ve modified my travel plans a bit so I’m not out of my comfort zone (i.e. my room) for too long. My goal for this race? Just to make it through.

I do apologize that the past few posts have not been very upbeat. If you’ve ever met me, you’ll know that I am very open about my feelings, both happy and sad. So much so that I’ve lost friends in the past over it. I will try to keep these kinds of posts to a minimum, but for now, I just needed to let it out.


My name is Mai and I am a recent PhD graduate. :) When not hard at work, I can be found training for a race, traveling the world, or talking about Disneyland. Come join me on my journey and help me navigate this world. :)

24 thoughts on “To Run or Not to Run…

  1. You have a whole community of people that care about you and want the best for you. I look forward to reading your posts, whether they’re happy or not. I hope you run the race and that you get whatever you need from it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Keep up your spirits! And run this race! Bucket list runs are meant to be eliminated when possible. And remember, things could always be worse. In all things. Positive note: you’re healthy enough to run. Go with that.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Let it out, it is your blog, write what you want. I started running as a way to deal with depression too, though my progress has been up and down quite a bit. It really does help but can be so hard to get your butt in gear when you feel down.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s difficult for me to write when previous experiences have taught me to suck it up. Thank you for telling me to write what I want. I hope that we’ll both be where we want to be soon. πŸ™‚


  4. You should never have to apologize for not being upbeat and happy all the time. I’d much rather people be honest and say it how it is rather than pretend everything’s great when it’s not. It might be good for you to get away for the weekend and run the race, especially since everything’s already booked. I hope you have a good weekend whatever you decide to do!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Girl let this shit out for sure. I don’t want to read anybody’s blog who acts like shit is roses all the time–that’s not real! People want to hear from people they can relate to and as you can see from the comments above, you’ve got plenty of people who feel and have felt like you. The way I feel changes from one day to the next. Monday I might feel like the world is mine and I can do anything–Tuesday I might have trouble getting myself out of bed I feel so dark. You’re doing the right thing in being honest–and you’re probably helping someone else in the process, don’t forget that!!

    Liked by 1 person

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